Last month, I was delighted to be asked to be a speaker on the BBC Radio 4’s lunchtime ‘You and Yours’ programme. Any behavioural change is hard
Changing well established habits that might serve many purposes is really hard! Throw into the mix the stigma and poor treatment many people living in a larger body experience in today’s world, the biological and evolutionary drivers for obesity and the ongoing abundance and accessibility of food, and no wonder the majority of the population are struggling to make changes that stick.
If we want our future health and quality of life to improve, we need to focus on what is within our control to create and make this happen.
- how do we talk about and to ourself (we all do it, don’t worry!)?
- how we value and prioritise our needs amongst all the others,
- the expectations we set ourself and how we respond if things go awry.
1. "Why isn’t it working for me?”
You’ve seen some amazing results on social media and decided to follow their plan often motivated by wanting to get away from where you are now to a hoped-for better future that this person appears to have.
But following approaches used by others without adapting the behaviours to suit your needs is risky business and can produce feelings of inadequacy and failure. What would you say to a loved one if they felt they were falling short of other people? You would probably use kindness and compassion to remind them that bodies and lives are different, that what we see on social media may not be the full picture and urge them to explore what works for them.
So let’s turn this compassionate approach inwards. Use kindness to acknowledge, with forgiveness and acceptance, that something hasn’t worked for you and identify why so that you can pick yourself up, adapt and move forward finding your own path.
2. "Why do I keep ruining it?”
Setbacks and relapses are a perfectly normal part of behaviour change and should be expected and planned for. As cheesy as it sounds, try to view these as opportunities to learn and hone your skills in this change.When we set off on a new health change, it is very common to take a punishing, deprivation-based approach due to unhappiness with the current situation. Ask yourself, are you being too restrictive or punishing in your approach to change?I promise punishing and berating yourself further is not going to help in the long run and is likely to trigger further unhealthy choices out of shame and negative feelings.Instead, use some self-compassion to moderate your aims especially if you’ve had an increase in stress for some reason outside of your control.Do you need to plan a higher amount of food-based coping whilst you deal with the stress or establish healthier coping behaviours? A planned ‘from-the-outside-unhealthy’ choice produces a very different psychological experience to an unplanned, giving-in in the moment unhealthy choice. Have a go and see if you notice a difference.
3. "But other people’s needs are more important” or "I don’t deserve kindness”
YOUR NEEDS ARE AS IMPORTANT AS EVERYONE ELSE’S AND YOU DESERVE KINDNESS
- Yes, you may care for others (kids or grown-ups).
- Yes, the people around you may have lots of important needs, life-saving needs even.
- Yes, you are not a perfect human being who has acted with exemplary behaviour at all times.
- Yes, you might have been brought up believing it is weak to show your struggles.
YOUR NEEDS ARE AS IMPORTANT AS EVERYONE ELSE’S AND YOU DESERVE KINDNESS.
- is it a calming space, time to yourself,
- to be treated with respect and dignity
- or simply some love and support from others?
If you would like support with any of the things I have mentioned in this blog, please use the contact form below to get in touch. Or find out more about how psychological support can help you with weight management.
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